Hair and sweaters

Lots of action in the mailbag today, so let's not waste time. The first query comes via e-mail from Carolyn M., who writes:

So, Dan, we've all heard and agree with your endorsement of blue shirts on your fashion blog; when are we going to get into the touchy subject of appropriate hair? Please cover both length and color.

Thanks for the question, Carly, but I must admit that hair is not exactly my area of expertise. I do have wonderful hair that makes the ladies say hooooo, but my impeccable fashion is a far greater factor when it comes to my irresistability.

That said, I do have some insight to share. Here are some things for men to remember:

1) Hair doesn't matter. Women are far more interested in the color of your shirt.

2) The primary concern when considering a hairstyle is how long you can go between haircuts. Fitting that extra trip into your schedule can really be a pain, and if you go to a place where your hair-cutter speaks English, you have to force an awkward conversation for an excruciating 10-15 minutes. No one wants that. I recommend getting your hair cut way too short, then growing it out way too long until the amount of shampoo you are buying is simply no longer economical. Rinse and repeat.

3) Do not waste your money on things like hair product or combs. You should pick a hairstyle that requires no more work than running a towel through your head after your morning shower. Anything more complicated is simply unnecessary, and will force women to question your judgment.

As for color, that's a dumb question, Carolyn. Men do not change their hair color. Period. Whatever you're born with is fine and immaterial, as women most likely will not even notice anything above men's shoulder blades.

Next up comes this important question via text message from Andy E.

Do blue sweaters count toward blue shirt coolness?

Glad you asked, Andrew. Yes, they do, just like blue T-shirts also count toward blue shirt coolness.

However, you must be prepared to reduce your flocking expectations by approximately 20 percent. There are two reasons for this:

1) The cold does bad things to women's hormones, making them chemically less likely to ogle men in the winter months. For this reason, I hate science.

2) A sweater adds another obstacle between a woman and your shoulder blades. If she can't get a sense of their shape, or simply feels the extra layer makes the effort no longer practical, she might give up on making out with your shoulder blades if she's feeling lethargic. You will often see women eye up your shoulder blades, then say "Ehhh" and walk away.

Don't forget to e-mail me your questions for future mailbags. Don't be shy now.