Mailbag: Stripes, wrinkles and shoulder blades

Today I introduce a new feature: The Mailbag!

Our first mailbag question comes from Sam C., who writes on Twitter:

OK, females/@bydanielvictor, can I get a ruling on wearing a striped shirt and a striped tie? Faux pas, or no?

Sam, Sam, Sam. You're overthinking...stripes don't matter. All that matters is that you are wearing a shirt in some shade of blue. Women love blue. Once you've got that taken care of, nothing else matters.

Our next question comes via e-mail from Dave F.

I've heard that there are things called "wrinkles" that women notice in our clothes. Is that true?

Sorry to say it, Dave, but it's true. Somehow women notice these things. I know normal people like you and I would never notice such an appallingly insignificant detail in other people, but the womenfolk like to pay attention to that kind of thing.

I learned three years ago to purchase an "iron" and an "ironing board." Though it seems like a silly use of your time, it's probably best to remove at least 60 percent of the wrinkles before trying to impress a woman. If you don't want to buy an iron, you can just put your shirt on a hook in the bathroom while you shower. That should be good enough.

Our next question comes from Steve R.

Dan: I took your advice to wear blue shirts, and now everywhere I go women are trying to make out with my shoulder blades. What can I do about this problem?

It can be difficult dealing with the quantity of women who will now be trying to make out with your shoulder blades. It usually begins 15-30 seconds from when you leave your front door, depending on how crowded your street or apartment elevator is.

I would recommend thanking the woman for her passion, directing her to contribute to your charity of choice, and giving her the URL of your fashion blog. If repeating this dozens of times per day becomes exhausting, you can print the instructions out on business cards.

Have a question for a future mailbag? Be sure to e-mail me your query.